Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
