Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
