When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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