yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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