i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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