I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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