i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
