I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
