hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Two words: blizzard sex
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
