hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
