I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
