I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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