Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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