obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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