I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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