So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
