you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
