Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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