You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
