she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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