Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
