just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I want to fling myself into the sun
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
