best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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