I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she told me i tasted like america
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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