Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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