Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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