every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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