a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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