Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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