Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
