Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
