I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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