Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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