I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
