He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
