you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
