hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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