the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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