dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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