I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
