she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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