A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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