I want to walk on stilts...naked
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
