Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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