That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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