my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
