There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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