party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
