You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
