I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
