I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
