I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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