So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
