dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
