The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
