I am spending my child support on dildos
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
