So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
it's like iHOP with fire
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
