It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
