Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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