btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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