watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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