Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
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i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
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him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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