maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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