they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
