Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
