I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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