My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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