Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
