So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Randomize
