i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
