she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
