Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
