just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
