She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
