Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
