i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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