I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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