I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I FOUND THE LEGS
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
