The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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